dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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