i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
