i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
