Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
