He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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