his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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