It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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