I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
