I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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