May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
