he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
