So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
