Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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