plz talk dirty to me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize