There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
