STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
