When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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