I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
