If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
