We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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