Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
