somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize