My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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