drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
