And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
