____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my being single is dangerous.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
