Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
