I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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