I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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