I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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