In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
