Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
