If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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