Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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