So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
