Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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