And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
