I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
