i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
