I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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