I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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