Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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