I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
