dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
