i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
