i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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