You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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