u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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