Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
