i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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