Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
