if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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