I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone needs a breathalizer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
