Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
