ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
