i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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