his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
