where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize