For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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