I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize