Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
