the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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