Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sext me about skeletons
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
