i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
NoShamevember. You game?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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