Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
