You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
