"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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